Why Eroticism is Necessary for Sexual Arousal

When most of us think of eroticism, our minds take us to a place of images filled with vulgarity, seduction, and lust, and while eroticism does contain these elements, the nature of it runs deeper.

The erotic is innately imaginative. It requires us to be able to tread unfamiliar territory, it caresses us with a hint of fear and engorges us with excitement. Every wildly creative person I have ever met has also been extremely sexually turned on, tuned in, and expressive.

Eroticism wants us to surrender into play, something as adults we are programmed out of as we ‘mature’ and assimilate into the busyness and stoicism of modern life. When expressed in a safe and consensual setting with a committed partner, sexual eroticism is an avenue to reconnect us with our child-like divinity.

My partner Ryan and I have a relationship that is deeply erotic. Not only do we have an attraction to each other that seems other-worldly, but him and I both lean into our primal natures when we are together, knowing we deeply respect and trust one another. Our eroticism is filled with lust and desire for the other but also light-heartedness, play, love, and lots of laughter. Basically, when surrendering into the primordial force of eroticism, there is no space to take ourselves too seriously.

Eroticism requires us to submit to our imagination. What desires and fantasies lie in your deep waters? What foundation must you build externally and internally for those expressions of you to feel safe? Leaning into our most primal, honest sexual desires requires deep trust.

On another level, and to shift gears a little, there is also a darker side to eroticism that can manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways. Eroticism and death are intimate friends. I will explain why.

Let’s begin with some etymology.

I’m an etymological nerd and love diving into the root of words to better understand their essence and frequency. The root of the word “eroticism” comes from Greek erotikos “caused by passionate love, referring to love,” or from eros (genitive erotos) “sexual love”. Now, the root of the word “passion” is linked to Christ’s passion and physical suffering. It also comes from late Latin passionem (nominative passio) “suffering, enduring,” from past-participle stem of Latin pati “to endure, undergo, experience”. Even the origin of the word “orgasm” has an aggressively alive element to it.

What these etymological origins point out is that sexual love, passion, and orgasm carry a strong element of tension, aggression and darkness. I mean, the orgasm is referred to as “the little death”, so there is undeniably an element of death inside of Erotic experience.

In his book “Eroticism: Death & Sensuality”, French Philosopher Georges Bataille speaks in depth about the connection between Death and Sexual Eroticism in human beings. His precise definition of Eroticism as proposed in his book is “assenting to life up to the point of death”. Simply, what he proposes is that as human animals, we have a sexual desire and psychological drive that is independent of the natural goal of reproduction and the desire for children. Though Bataille’s theories can be seen as quite controversial, I believe he has a point.

Eroticism is a subconscious desire to transcend life and death, at once. Eroticism is the environment in which we feel most alive. It is closely linked with danger, mystery, and the unknown and often taboo.

This is where passion comes into play. Passion and the way it manifests in us is one of the most powerful forces in existence. Passion is a gateway into pleasure, not only sexually, but creatively and psychologically as well.

When expressed in a setting of safety, love, and creative expression, eroticism can help us retrieve certain child-like qualities in ourselves that we may have suppressed. In this type of space, we are in invited into the endless flow and void of electric life-force energy, attunement, and excitement. We are fully turned on.

When expressed in a mental state or physical environment of violating our own boundaries, eroticism can feel icky, extractive, unsafe, and sometimes even dangerous (not in the kinky fun way).

Eroticism activates an infinite part of our being that can only fully express in wholeness when we feel safe, loved, and in full trust of ourselves and surrender to our partner.

So, to my point. I believe eroticism is one of the key elements to a mind-blowing sex life because nothing gets our juices flowing like spontaneity, fantasy, and just the right amount of tension. This is good news for those of you who have learned to harness your creative energy… you’re filled with endless imagination which is a perfect foundation for the erotic.

For those knowing they have this inside of them but don’t quite know how to activate it or engage with it from a place of curiosity rather than shame, I know exactly what that is like. I’m here to help.

with passion,